Cancer – saddest moment to a child is to know that their parents are seriously ill.

Back in my normal routine for almost a month now – A Filipina living and working overseas.

Though days has passed the memories I had in my recent trip at Philippines are totally fresh in my heart and mind.

That trip is one of my most emotional journey in my home land.

My father was set for operation due to cyst found in his colon. Before the operation his condition is not totally clear for us.

We just thought that he needs to undergo for operation to remove that cyst. As he was having a hard time to bowel and his stomach, waistdown are totally painful. The pain is something he couldn’t bare anymore, he said

So the doctor advise is to do a quick operation. The worst that might happen is that he will need to have a colostomy bag.

With that scenario, our whole family was aware off. With our research we are really expecting that he might really have that colostomy bag. Though we know that it will be uneasy for papa we are fine as long as the pain he is getting through will be lessen. He was not sleeping well for many days because of that pain.

The guy whom I know a very happy, energetic person became totally a looking weak one.

The moment of operation day come and we are all praying all will be fine.

After few hours Papa is already in recovery room. Mom and I are his companion for a week in the hospital. When we know that operation are already finish and he is fine we pray and thanks God that papa is ok.

However after few hours, the doctor’s team approached us. They told us that papa has now a colostomy bag. But the operation didn’t turn that well. The cysts are really a lot with pus. Worst is, it affected other intestine part.

To cut the long doctor’s medical explanation short. Papa has been diagnosed of Colon Cancer. Suspecting that it is in stage 4.

My body feels so cold and knees are shaking. I want to run, hide and cry alone but I calmed my self for mama.

I stayed with mama for few minutes, we talk and give strengths to one another. That moment I would say she is stronger than me.

Tears came down from my eyes no words, no sounds. Then I stood up, take a walk to breath to call my husband.
That is the moment that I burst out my emotions out loud.

I was feeling weak and unexplainable sadness hits me. I couldn’t explain how I was feeling that moment. Sad, scared, hopeful but feeling down.

I know I just need time and let my mind absorb this hard situation.

That moment there are lots of things comes in my mind.
Top two painful realizations strike me are, living in this world is really hard. It made me realize that saddest moment to a child no matter how old, independent they are is to know that their parents are seriously ill.

Life cycle totally makes all of us sad and hopeless. 

Despite this emotion I know I need to be positive, strong and just fight the battle we are facing right know.

Like a strong soldier who will not let other defeat him in the battle easily, let us not any sickness or problem defeat us to be positive and love life.

Let us just put our trust to God above that soon all with better.

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